One of the things that pisses me off about IT nowadays is that I never get to see my boss. At work the guy is always sat aroud a table with a bunch of sweaties in suits; at home I just get email. I've never actually met the people who pay me to do this shit, and it's totally irregular, just the occasional lump sum deposited in my secret bank account by someone who goes by the name "Mr. R. Xemblonsky".

Anyway, they've email me the document wot sez I'm enslaved for another three years, and politely suggested that I spend more time updating the corporate website. Ha fucking ha.

Unified Field Theory -- by Tim Joseph.

In the beginning there was Aristotle,
And objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
And objects in motion tended to come to rest,
And soon everything was at rest,
And God saw that it was boring.

Then God created Newton,
And objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
But objects in motion tended to remain in motion,
And energy was conserved and momentum was conserved
    and matter was conserved,
And God saw that it was conservative.

Then God created Einstein,
And everything was relatvie,
And fast things became short,
And straight things became curved,
And the universe was filled with inertial frames,
And God saw that it was relatively general, but some of it
    was especially relative.

Then God created Bohr,
And there was the principle,
And the principle was quantum,
And all things were quantified,
But some things were still relative,
And God saw that it was confusing.

Then God was going to create Furgeson,
And Furgeson would have unified,
And he would have fielded a theory,
And all would have been one,
But it was the seventh day,
And God rested,
And objects at rest tend to remain at rest.

compliments of the N.Y. Times and Mette Andersen

"You kids have it easy, I had to wind my own bobbins, and if I mispunched a card, the loom was liable to throw a shuttle right through the head of a nearby textile worker."

-Jacquard.

"Cards? Luxury! I was at the smithy 18 hours a day forging gears for my analytical engine, Ada working her fingers to the bone assembling them on shafts. I used to dream of the day when I would finally get it all put together so that I could finally play 'Wumpus'."

-Babbage

"We used to dream of gears and shafts. All we had was some grooves dug in the sand and a bag full of pebbles, IF WE WERE LUCKY!"

-Unknown Greek

It seems you're only 10% human, and 90% bacteria, in genomic terms. If the aliens squished you up and sequenced your DNA, they'd think you were a bug and kill you. Maybe if they invade you might wash more often?

If the aliens decompiled your mental algorithms, it'd be the same. Only 10% is really you, the other 90% is stuff that isn't you but lives within you. Mostly it's invisible and benign, but sometimes it's out of control.

I'm worried about it having to render all these text files. I should look at Markdown, but my Mac is about to run out of power...

OK, so I looked at Markdown. Good enough. And I figured that this thing sorts on file modification time. Sweet. But as expected I'm spending all my time fidding with the software rather than actually using it.

If you're seeing this message in your browser and everything looks OK to you then you're either on drugs or lack discrimination... Congratulations on getting this far :)

That wasn't so hard, was it? If it was, then don't bother reading anything else here.

Still having problems? I live with a psychotherapist.

Post formatting problems.

The post should be broken up into a number of paragraphs and headings. Each of those should then be broken up into individual bytes, and the bits extracted. Stir the bits together with some egg white and bake for 15 minutes at Gas Mark 5. Finally, serve with a frisson of mediocrity.

If instead you're seeing all of the text run together in one big lump, that means that your husband isn't working.

You can't post here anyway. This is a write-only medium.

• Check the path to the addled director in the configuration pipe.

• Verify that the system adminstrator is inhibited.

  There should be a director titled 'SWMBO' inside the administrator's house.

• Check your privileges.

  Everything you read on Twitter is true.

  The addled director itself must not be readable by any user.

Theme related issues.

Broken heart to associated POTAS file.

If the lay of the POTAS feels broken then chances are the POTAS is having trouble finding the associated POTAS heart. That's easy to fix. Open the 'relationship' file in your preferred editor and locate the physical link (which is in the head section of the relationship). You want to change the value of the 'style' attribute to point to the location of the heart for your installation.

Missing point to website.

If the website looks almost right but you're missing something (your needs in the list at the top of the page for example), then you need to update the relationship to other people on the page. This is just as easy to fix as the original problem. Open the object called 'life' in your preferred editor and find all of the links. (Searching for 'Facebook Friends' should allow you to locate them quickly). For each, update the value of the attributes.